Monday, April 1, 2013

on the hunt


Last week the server went down at work. Like kuputz, done. Left work on Tuesday and walked into a disaster on Wednesday. We didn’t have access to anything and no one seemed to get the gravity of the situation. We had urgent cases with no names, numbers, records, nothing…We were blind. Regardless of the nature of the business tensions are high when something of this magnitude happens. This also explains the less than stellar posts from me last week.
Here’s the thing, I’m looking for a new job and I have been for awhile now. I don’t know why I haven’t been more public about it. So imagine already being unhappy and then being thrown into a situation that just magnifies all your frustrations and further strains an already delicate relationship. HmmMmm.. it was pretty, pretty, pretty bad. I wish I wasn’t so high strung; it makes things slightly embarrassing after the fact. But that’s who I am, emotive.

I think part of me is reluctant to share because I don’t feel like I’m that person, that person that goes from job to job. I feel like I’m this overzealous, extremely dedicated employee that is looking for long term employment, I’m talking a thru retirement type thing. I have excelled at all my positions, made lasting friendships but I still can’t find the right fit. It almost feels like failure so of course I don’t wanna talk about it.
I joke about being a stay at home wife and I’m sure I’d enjoy it but I seriously do want to be employed. I want something where I can be appreciated and compensated and fulfilled. Oh and if I could be challenged too it’d be an added bonus. It has been trying. I thought about starting over and trying something else but I’ve been at it so long people see it as a drawback and we’re so geographically limited here, that options are few. I thought about waiting a little longer so the timing would be better but I’m not sure that’s an option any longer.

I also feel guilty. I’m employed which is such a blessing and it just so happens to pay well. So yeah, I feel like a jerk when so many others are struggling. I wish I was someone that just let stuff go. Clock in, clock out and not bring work home but that’s never been me. I’m too involved and care more than most.
There have been a couple positions that have come up but after saying I’m the perfect candidate they can’t risk hiring me and offending my doctor. These aren’t even really competitors or colleagues. I feel trapped. I feel like it’s not fair because I’m the right person for the job but am retrained by politics.

Am I rambling? Yeah I think I am. Certainly not a pretty post but I need a breakthrough and if I’m going to be putting it all out there might as well throw this out too. Prayers for patience, clarity, direction and opportunity would be wonderful.

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