present company EXcluded

Today's post is brought to you by envy, sadness, and all that real-life schtuff.

“What I’m having right now is an inappropriate physical reaction to my total joy for you and your self-discovery.”
— Hannah Horvath, absolutely nailing it on GIRLS

Did you read that? Read it again. Seriously, please try to understand it before you jump right in. The above quote is spot on. Because... I promised myself I wouldn't get into this... Why? Mostly because I avoid drama if at all possible. I have a hard time explaining it but I'm writing these days as personal improvement. It may or may not be working… It sounds weird but attempt and accept it. The thing is that if I'm really being truthful about things "now" the truth would be that I'm upset.

I'm going to say this now, my current feelings are not directed to anyone and my happiness for them is in no way lessened but WTH! If I hear another pregnancy announcement I'm gonna scream, oh wait it already happened, I'm guessing phase two means a full blown freak out. Consider yourselves warned. I'm feeling like the whole thing has gone outta control it's not necessarily the "who" but the sheer number of "who's" and the rapid, seemingly daily growing numbers. People at work don't even believe me, ya it's that many!

There's been a bunch of “boohoos”,” seriouslys” and “why, why why’s…and from the last couple paragraphs I’s and me’s. Yep, I'm a bad person and I've thought some pretty mean girls things produced from raw jealousy. There I said it; feel free to judge because I do feel guilty.  Deactivating Facebook for a period has even been considered. You know, till the storm passes. How self-centered am I?

In case you’re not in the know or able to read between the lines my first post, rising hope, was about a negative pregnancy test and my subsequent period. Ouch. Details like that are... I don't know...intense. I'm dealing with this stuff but trying very hard to maintain a life about other things. Presently I'm occupied with it but actively attempting other pursuits…a clever, vague way of saying daily distractions.

I'll be okay. There are always a series of baby booms and a weakness for me to feel things more personally than I ought. Some girl said “well then just get pregnant”. Normally I'm a non violent person but actually had to restrain myself because I wanted to punch her in the throat. I decided to reply with a "it doesn't always work like that". I think I reclaim some good person points for managing to avoid incident.  It’s promising to know I haven’t completely turned.