results that follow

Things happen...sometimes they're to be expected and others don't seem to be the product of anything. All these situations or in cases of late, annoyances, have results while most of the time I overlook. Two cases in the last week...

Scenario 1:
For being an organization fanatic, admittedly I have moments of extreme disorder. Recently I "lost" my post office box key. I use parentheses because they're not really lost, just missing and I haven't had the necessary time to look in less obvious places. Since my keys aren't available I somehow managed to convince my husband let me borrow his set. And wouldn't you know I misplaced his as well.
I finally broke down and started a desperate search before he figured out what's going on. Early in the hunt I found the original source of all this drama, my lost keys, go figure.

Scenario 2:
Excitedly I approached the mail to get my next disc of Inspector Lynley. (nerd alert!) To my surprise it wasn't exactly there. The only remnant of my mail was a torn up, red piece of paper with my mailing address. No disc, no sleeve, no envelope. I wasn't terrible concerned, having been a member since 2006 and a friend employed there I knew I'd be taken care of. However I was bummed to not be watching it that night.


Result 1: When I located the keys I also stumbled on a twenty dollar bill I didn't know I had.

Result 2: After reporting the issue I was sent a replacement disc along with some additional ones for my trouble.

Obviously these are first world problems so I'm not looking for sympathy. In fact after the initial frustrations both situations were really entertaining. My take away from all this was unexpected joy... from something that bothered me, something I hadn't planned on, something that changed my direction/plans.

I feel like there's a lot of that going on currently. I'm pretty sure all this uncertainty and anxiety is prepping me for a major breakthrough. Maybe it'll be like the twenty, in that it is something I forgot I possessed and have the chance to rediscover. Maybe it'll be like the bonus disc and I'll be gifted something beyond expected. Maybe both...Who's to say?

heroic efforts

I am crazy about animals, the only exception would be snakes. I can’t even talk about them anymore out of sheer terror. I am so guaranteed to have nightmares after mentioning them. Ugh, moving on. I’ve brought home many an animal to rescue...Like crazy animal lady and I have cried countless times over road kill. I feel like that weirdo-YouTube-cat-girl because I’m watering up just thinking about it. 

The other day while driving I notice the most precious, perfect baby beaver up the road. The only problem was that he was playing in the gravel and far, far away from the beaver pond by my house. Of course the Dr. Doolittle in me concocted a way to rescue this animal that needed my help.

If you’ve never attempted to rescue a wild animal be warned, it’s dangerous tricky and time consuming. People might say that’s because you’re not suppose to interfere with Mother Nature but I don’t want to be friends with people who think that… After too much time and imagined scenarios of being the first person to die from a infant beaver attack I decided to call my husband, a fellow animal lover and way more fearless than I am.

I had to go to work and come up with a legitimate excuse for being late so I let him know where our helpless creature was. Sometime later I got a text…

Turns out, according to my husband it wasn’t a beaver but a whistle pig. I don’t know about you but I’ve never heard of that animal in my life, so I Googled it. Turns out a “whistle pig” is aka a groundhog aka a land beaver. Because I am sworn to protect all living things and never lose an argument with my husband, technically I don’t consider myself to be wrong because it’s is actually a beaver, of sorts. But I will say thank goodness I wasn't able to save him only to drown him.

Featured texts that have followed the failed land/water beaver rescue... By the way I didn't mean to cuss in the last one...Auto correct got me typing "associate" wrong.

Oh and concerned citizens he is happy, fat and thriving!

You Won't Relent

I can’t go too long without a post about music. The other day in worship they played the song “You Won’t Relent” by Jesus Culture. Totally underrated and not talked about often enough. It’s basic and repetitive and a complete cry of surrender and praise. It’s a song you find humming throughout the day without realizing it. A cry chanting “waters cannot quench this love” and proclaiming “I want to sing right to You”.

You won't relent until You have it all,

My heart is Yours (4x's)

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart

as a seal upon my arm

For there is love that is as strong as death

Jealousy, demanding as the grave

And many waters cannot quench this love

You won't relent until You, have it all

My heart is Yours

You won't relent until You, have it all

My heart is Yours

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until You and I are One (2x"s)

I don't want to talk about You

Like You're not in the room

I want to look right at You

I want to sing right to You (3x"s)

You won't relent until You have it all,

My heart is Yours (4x's)

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart

as a seal upon my arm

For there is love that is as strong as death

Jealousy demanding as the grave

And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until You and I are One (2x"s)

http://youtu.be/XC0WoJfYA2E

Quinceañera

We had the privilege to attend the Quinceañera for a family we’ve known 10 years. They started out a ski school kids and turned into really good friends and mentors. They actually drove to St. Louis from Colorado Springs for our wedding so we figured we could make the 2.5 hour trek for them… Totally joking, we were so excited and honored.

They’re oldest, Aria, was adopted from Mexico as a baby and it’s always been important to them to honor and expose her to her culture. She’s even had a Spanish tutor the last several years. In case you’re wondering, a Quinceañera is a Latin tradition that celebrates a girl’s transition from childhood to womanhood, typically celebrated when they turn fifteen. There are variations from culture to culture but they honored a lot of the Mexican traditions in the celebration but put their own religious twist on it.

The whole thing was beautiful and very emotion. The photos and videos of her adoption were so moving. Her gown was stunning. They even had a mariachi band! There was an incredible fiesta spread and buckets of Mexican Jarritos soda plus my absolute favorite Sangria. The tables were decked with chips and salsa and Chiclets gum that is a staple the orphans in Mexico often sell for pesos.

At one point she’s presented with a doll that resembles her, matching gown and all, and is to be the last doll she’ll be gifted. Then her father switches out her flats for heels. So adorable. Her goal is to one day return to Mexico to work with orphans there. I’d say they are doing something right! There were so many wonderful moments and a great night catching up with friends. And cake, of course there was cake! Incredible party and a new experience for us. We’re so proud of you Arianna and the beautiful, sweet, godly woman you are turning into!

*As an update, just a day or so ago we were told the gorgeous reception hall were all this had taken place burned down in the wildfire currently in Colorado Springs. Everyone made it out safe but I am saddened for the owners, employees that worked there and so many others I imagine had they’re events planned there in the near future. Please pray for everyone and that they can contain these fires soon!

joke's on me

Laughter, a daily event, at least in our house. Not sure if we are just that funny or more so just easily amused. Either way we giggle, cackle, snort and all that fun stuff and it really does seem to make things better. I’m especially good at laughing at myself. A few personal, entertaining “blonde” moments as of late…

• Embarrassed laughter…When you go to the drive-thru and they give you two sets of utensils because they think more than one person should be consuming the amount of food you just ordered. 

• Say what laughter…Enjoying a deliciously new drink, declaring “Wow, this is strong; I wonder how much the alcohol content is?” To which your husband informs “None, its non-alcoholic.” (I may have said a few other things on my imaginary buzz.)

• Duh laughter…Inner monologue: Dang, Facebook much! So-and-so posted a ton of pictures on FaceBook today …Only to realize you’re actually on their personal page. So yeah, there probably are multiple pictures of themselves and posts on their feed.

something to celebrate

A couple weeks ago I was rocked by some terrible news about the sudden loss of a friend. News like that is always hard to stomach and it shakes you up… and sometimes manages to shake you straight. If I were to find a positive note, a light for this proverbial tunnel, aside from the reconnections brought by collective pain and grief, I’d have to say, for me, it’s that chance to refocus. An internal shift that my mind, body and heart all nod a collective agreement to live better because we’re reminded that life is so short. 

Living better…Bet it means so many different things to each of us. It has multiple meanings to me alone. There will always be both lighthearted and spiritual angles for me. But this is me and where I’m at. At the time I was violently ill from grief I couldn’t stop thinking about my brother, Adam, who was  on vacation in Mexico and I was desperate to reach him and deliver the sad news. He was there with his girlfriend Gabbi and all I could think was despite my reservations about their relationship, if he’s happy, then I’m happy and I support them… no matter what.

Finally, I was able to reach him late on Saturday and we talked and cried about all of our mutual friends hurting and shocked. After that conversation, he let me know that he had proposed while they were on their trip and they are now officially engaged. Gulp. I managed to work out a “Wow, that’s big news.” Lucky for me he had to get off the line to go thru customs. It gave me some time to digest the information. I wasn’t surprised, I’d expected it to be on the horizon but I couldn’t figure out how to be excited for them. I felt awful, especially knowing that in my heart I’d accepted it days ago. Of course that’s before I knew it I’d have to ante up.

Sunday morning came and I couldn’t bring myself to take his call. I didn’t want to regret anything said, so text him back that I was headed to church but I’d call him later. Timing, it's everything. At church I was feeling distracted but forced myself to pay attention, if anything to keep my mind on something else. Then it happened. A word -special, unique for me. Nail.on.the.head.moment. We were talking about being prayer warriors for loved ones. There were so many points I hope to get around to sharing but at one point the phrase “mothers keep praying, sisters keep praying” and I literally squeaked “whoa” under my breath.

I’m not trying to sabotage a relationship. All I want is to be protective and if constant prayer for them helps strengthen them and protect them well that’s what I’m here for. As I walked through the parking lot I felt a hundred pounds lighter. I felt the peace, the joy, and the words I needed to call him and provide the support he needed and I so wanted to give to him. 

I’ve always wanted a close sisterly bond. I am an Ann(e) Shirley always looking for a bosom buddy. I watch Memoirs of Geisha and The Color Purple and I long for a sister to let me love her. I have a sister but for reasons beyond my control we’ve never been able to be a proper part of each other’s life. That’s probably why I have such powerful female bonds and so many. This is it, I’m gaining a sister. How can this be bad? How can I be anything but happy for my brother for managing to find someone he cares about so deeply? I can’t. Because life is so short.


*Now I just need to change her name from Crabbi-Gabbi in my phone to something appropriate and loving. Oops.

the other side of the day

I’m going to say something so people please watch your toes and put your open-minded caps on… I really have a problem with Father’s Day. I get an annual stupid email invasion of Father’s Day gift ideas and FaceBook timelines of people gushing about their dads. Frankly, I’m offended at first glance.  

Obviously this stems from the fact that I never had one of those things, those dad-things, growing up. In fact, I don’t know who the man is. For all I know he could be a super great guys with no clue of my existence. He might even be dead. He might be Brad Pitt… Well probably not but I can go thru a whole year just fine until it’s abundantly clear that I was robbed of something kinda special.

Really, I’m okay but for the sake of being honest I wanted to mention I was bothered. However I’ve been given so many other father figures, parent figures for that matter. People that have shown me that relationship of protection, of constance, of pride, of approval, I was really missing out on for a greater part of my life. Men who without provocation asked if they’d have the honor to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. Yep, I said men because there were multiple. I’m so moved by these people, these guardians that I’ve been blessed with. People that have no attachments to me by birth or responsibility or even my request. Only pure love… that blindsided me.

I too have a Heavenly Father to which everything else holds no comparison. Not to anything else. But in weakness I relive that loneliness in childhood, emptiness, that blank spot on a birth certificate that tries to bind a stereotype and convince me that I’m less whole.

nothing else to do

I anticipate this to be a dated post. I'm writing this “now” on Friday with the intention of not publishing it until Monday. How prepared am I? Or is this futuristic trickery? Truth is I'm bored. I'm sick and pretty much quarantined. Whatever the source of this illness is it's yet to identify itself. I have a fever and no good can come from that. Other symptoms or at least discomforts are mild so it's a mystery.


Everyone keeps telling me to rest...great idea but too bad for me I can't really sleep during the day. Not even when I’m sick… unless heavily medicated. So I'm waiting until I either feel better or feel worse to know what the next step is.

I imagine this sickness has been lurking. I was feeling so rundown from the week and impatience and just all around fussy. I all makes sense now! HA! That’s too pawn off. Well maybe some of it was from not feeling well.

I feel as though I should avoid discussing anything of importance due the fact that I am feverish and it’s impossible to keep a proper train of thought. I will say I was banished from work and referred to as Typhoid Mary. Since I have nothing better to do nor am capable of doing I read up on her. Previously I only knew snippets of her history but I will say her story is so tragic. Victim or Villain? It really depends on who you talk to and in what context. Either way is was depressing. Poor Mary. No more of that!

Equipped with my handy-dandy iPad

Fresh tea and an ice pack

At this point I'm so thankful and would like to give a shout out to HBOGO and bomb pops.

cray-zy week

the pet factor

The other day the dogs got to go to work with my husband. He leaves before 6am so I wasn't up until after they’d gone. It was so weird…and wonderful. Complete silence. My tired eyes took a moment to adjust. No one else up ready to eat, no one needing to go outside, no one requiring attention. It was a long, peaceful morning and I got out of the house in record time without breaking a sweat.

I was home well before everyone else and was greeted with more stillness. Did I mention how wonderful it was? After I settled in, I grab a seat on the porch and soaked up the fact that I had no other demands, best of all no need to be on high alert for passerby’s to send my dogs into a tizzy. I was so relaxed I lost track of time. I hopped up in a clarify “What am I doing? I have stuff to do” mode.

As I started prepping dinner I dropped some ingredients on the floor. I think I do it haphazardly sometimes as a special treat for the dogs…But there was no one there to grab it. I was then forced to clean up after myself. Hmph. I was definitely missing them. I’d been missing them since morning but it didn't mean I couldn't relish in my lack of responsibilities.

They got home in such a joyous mood. Half exhausted, half ecstatic from their adventures.They can drive me crazys but gosh, I love those pups. So lucky to have them and am able to provide them with everything they need. In return I am given unconditional love, hours of entertainment as well as the opportunity to play mom. Lucky girl.

da bears

I’m totally a non-phone call girl. If I’m calling you, you better answer cause it’s most likely important. The only person I regularly chat with is my niece Aubrey. She’s a riot. She’s always seemed old for her age and her conversations are predominantly teeny-bopper. She and I are the same person, all those things that used to drive my sister crazy are no emulated in her daughter. I think that's called Karma. We mainly talk about clothes, movies, makeup etc… your typical chat with a 5 year old diva. Last week was too cute not to share.

Aubrey: He Tia, I went camping last week!

Me: Wow, did you like it? I’m not crazy about camping.

Aubrey: It was fun. I heard if you camp by your house bears are outside.

Me: Oh yeah, we have all kinds of animals out here and you could defiantly see a bear.

Aubrey: That’s scary. Hey, do you wanna know what I know about bears?

Me: Sure.

Aubrey: Well, bears go to sleep for a long, long time. Like so long.

Me: Uh-huh.

Aubrey: When they do that it’s called dehydration.

Me: Is that right?

Aubrey: Yep, I saw it on a t.v. show.

I didn't have the heart to tell her it’s called hibernation cause it’s just adorable.
(Guess I should mention she calls me Tia, its short for aunt in Spanish.)



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heavy heart

I’d already had something in mind for today’s post. Nothing impressive, just my usual brand but after hearing some heartbreaking news last night it just seemed so inconsequential I scrapped it for now. I just need to write and express myself  at the moment. So much is spinning through my mind. It might come out incoherent but I still want to try and say it.

Classmate. Coworker. Friend. Employee. Mentee. Admired. My relationship with Jason took so many different forms. After high school I was struggling to deal. I didn’t have the opportunity/resources to go straight to college like my friends. I worked with a group of underclassman for over 6years and they become adopted siblings. Jason was my buddy. I’d always had an array of friends but this group was definitely family. We loved and fought like one for sure. All the differences and frustrations never overcame our sincere respect and affection for one another. It was one of those places that you knew and were a part of their entire family, their history, their lives- deep, vested relationships.

His wife and I were very close. We’d recently been talking about my signing on to support them in their missionary journey to Egypt. I’d been a part of their relationship from the beginning. Highs and lows. I loved being there to listen or advise if she needed it. She got all my hand- me-down clothes. It was a sisterly relationship I always wanted. I wish I could send her all strength, energy, peace I posses in this moment.

Jason’s brother Tony is mentally disabled and writes me every single week to tell me he’s thinking about me and praying for my family. Every week, without fail. Last night around 10pm, I got my weekly message from him. I’d already been weeping for him and his family and this was just gut-wrenching.  My friend said it best, you just feel a little guilty that Tony is so constant and actively praying for me and mine.

Despite the sadness and confusion for some, I am happy and at peace about a number of things. How incredible it is that Jason and Stephanie were high school sweethearts and had the time together that they did. The fact that he had the opportunity to be a loving father to two beautiful children. The awesomeness that Jason knew his calling and found his passions in missions and was courageous enough to pursue it with such conviction and dedicate himself and his family to God.

Lots of love and prayers going out to the Moslander and Ketcherside families.

supa freaky

I internet stalk people all the time. It’s a hobby that makes me wonder what I did pre-internet. I constantly pause shows/movies to web search clothing/wardrobe, filmographys, measurements, relationships status…Odd use of time I know, but it had been useful in conversations, personal amusement and I have managed to find some killer knock off items from my fashion fetishes. Speaking of fetishes…(By the way that’s the first time I’ve used that sentence transitions… and probably the last.)

The other day I’m watching “Salmon Fishing in the Yemen” and no this has nothing to do with my Ewan McGregor fetish… Hang on, can I just say that was such a delightful movie. It was marketed as a rom-com which is utterly ridiculous. Of course it has top-notch, personal favs, in the acting department but it was such a beautiful film about faith, differences, determination and the characters had such respect for one another…Ok getting off track.  

Anyway typically movie mode, once again distracted by Emily Blunt’s fabulous wardrobe. Pause. Web-search outfit opening scene of yadda, yadda, yadda. Bookmark. Continuing, wow she is really stunning. (How tall is she? How much does she weigh?) Pause. Wed-search measurements. (Interesting, that would be ideal.) Side track. (How cute are she and John Krasiniski? Seiorulsy. I’m so glad they’re married.) More internet researching. At some point I do return to the film.

All this is leading up to feet. Betcha didn’t expect that. Anyway in the search list tucked between “Emily Blunt imdb” and “Emily Blunt wiki” is ‘Emily Blunt feet”. It’s totally there and again when you research most female celebrities. It even comes before Emily Blunt “bikini” that’s top billing y’all.

The first time I spotted this I click on it because I imagined that the particular person I was looking up had gnarly feet. I was wrong. There’s an entire population obsessed with feet. Not weird, shocking feet but normal every day pictures of feet. Eww. When did this become a thing? Are foot fetishes that mainstream? They certainly have shot to the top of a Google search. There’s even a wikiFeet page. I can’t make this up people. It’s so weird  that I had to share so I’m not the only one disturbed by this information.

Related searches:

Jessica Chastain, Marion Cotillard, Sienna Miller

…or maybe both

The other day a rep stopped in and his first question was what kind of chocolate do we prefer. Milk or Dark? I glanced over at my coworker and without hesitation she looked at him and answered “both”. I love that girl. I love that idea as well. Why can’t it be both? I was too caught up in determining the right answer I forgot that there are other options. Sometimes even better ones. I think so many times we pin ourselves in the positions of this or that; one or the other; and what’s really maddening about that, in some cases, it doesn't have to be that way. Story of my life, by the way…

Instead of being productive, can’t I just relax? 

Instead of waiting around, can’t I actively participate in life?
 

The list is SO much longer in real life but the answer is "Why yes, yes I can". Why haven’t I chosen both more often? These extremes are binding at times. I’m so quick to fly into Type A mode and dedicate a gazillion percent to something. (In case you’re wondering, the word “gazillion” is legit. Spell check didn’t even flag it.) I’m ready to take on life-moments with this new arsenal.

Swirl. Mixed. Dual. Both. Yes, please. Wasted time agonizing over details that are just details is time poorly spent. When I can, I will, if I want. That’s kinda the coolest thing about choices, right? Controlling the who, what, when, sometimes. Here’s to another day trying to “have it all”.

ode to some-days

The some-days are probably my most favorite. They aren't official holidays or birthdays or specific days of the week. They are the days that take you by surprise and usually come without warning when you need them the most. They have their own pace and flavor. They seem unusually long for no other reason than that they are wonderful. Experiencing something special in the seemingly un-special is an underrated thing.

Some-days are best served unexpectedly. For a calculated person, such as me, you need to be on alert and ready to drop your plans and expectations and give into it because you know it’ll be worth it. Time enjoyed outdoors and no more that $25 spent was all it took and the rest was just details.

Even though there’s ice cream in the freezer, on a some-day you’ll head to Dairy Queen. Sure I’m one greasy meal away from my “old” weight, or in this case a Blizzard, but that battle’s for another day.

You’ll stare at plastic yard games a Target on until agreeing on an item and be surprised at the hours of fun that ensue with the sunburn to prove it.

All you crave is guacamole so you’ll make fajitas to justify a meal centered on a dip option…and I make a mean guac.

Imagine Dragons is the soundtrack of the day with a few improv moments of air guitar and drum riffs to laugh about.

This is a mere reminder for myself if anything. These days do come. There are still special moments despite everything. They help break up the waiting. They keep things manageable and grounded. They launch me forward, closer towards acceptance of whatever it is I need to acceptance…for now, or maybe for longer.