heavy heart

I’d already had something in mind for today’s post. Nothing impressive, just my usual brand but after hearing some heartbreaking news last night it just seemed so inconsequential I scrapped it for now. I just need to write and express myself  at the moment. So much is spinning through my mind. It might come out incoherent but I still want to try and say it.

Classmate. Coworker. Friend. Employee. Mentee. Admired. My relationship with Jason took so many different forms. After high school I was struggling to deal. I didn’t have the opportunity/resources to go straight to college like my friends. I worked with a group of underclassman for over 6years and they become adopted siblings. Jason was my buddy. I’d always had an array of friends but this group was definitely family. We loved and fought like one for sure. All the differences and frustrations never overcame our sincere respect and affection for one another. It was one of those places that you knew and were a part of their entire family, their history, their lives- deep, vested relationships.

His wife and I were very close. We’d recently been talking about my signing on to support them in their missionary journey to Egypt. I’d been a part of their relationship from the beginning. Highs and lows. I loved being there to listen or advise if she needed it. She got all my hand- me-down clothes. It was a sisterly relationship I always wanted. I wish I could send her all strength, energy, peace I posses in this moment.

Jason’s brother Tony is mentally disabled and writes me every single week to tell me he’s thinking about me and praying for my family. Every week, without fail. Last night around 10pm, I got my weekly message from him. I’d already been weeping for him and his family and this was just gut-wrenching.  My friend said it best, you just feel a little guilty that Tony is so constant and actively praying for me and mine.

Despite the sadness and confusion for some, I am happy and at peace about a number of things. How incredible it is that Jason and Stephanie were high school sweethearts and had the time together that they did. The fact that he had the opportunity to be a loving father to two beautiful children. The awesomeness that Jason knew his calling and found his passions in missions and was courageous enough to pursue it with such conviction and dedicate himself and his family to God.

Lots of love and prayers going out to the Moslander and Ketcherside families.