Five on Friday

---

(one)

I'm in lurve with this...shampoo. I don't wash my hair but once a week unless something happens and I need a midweek freshen up. I hope people don't think I'm gross. I promise, the people that know me can attest that I'm a very clean person. This issue is my hair. It's thick, coarse, dry, curly all the "bad" stuff and my hair just works better without a lot of product. I think I tried every other product in the Organix line and they were okay but this stuff, it just works... for me and I'm simply crazy about it and the smell is heavenly.

(two)

If you haven't experience cashmere you're missing out. I'm typically a sale-rack-Target-Forever21-Kohl's kinda girl but I think everyone should have at least one piece. I have a scarf because that's all the budget will allow.but I've been obsessing over this cardigan at J.Crew. I love me a granny sweater. Deliciously soft, funky print, cardigan cut. So me. I wear them daily. I would never pay that price but fingers crossed it lands on clearance.

(three)

Bubba Gumps. It's touristy and campy and good. It's geared towards non locals but we just can't help ourselves. The decor and food make me happy. The only problem is that we start using our "Forrest voices" which is probably mildly inappropriate.

 

(four)

Countdowns. A little silly but I'm digging them right now. 12 days til we fly to Michigan. 6 works days. 4 dinners to cook. Bet that last one doesn't add up but Ben flies out to Seattle on Sunday so I'm Bachelorette-ing it next week. (Post to come.)

(five)

Accountability. I asked for it and I got it. Friends are keeping me going...even if I have to be dragged.

thank you’s and such

(Note to self: Be wary of posting in the heat of the moment. It might be riddled with redunancy and enough frsutration to worry friends. Y'all are great, thanks for the texts.)

 

Fall's so close I can smell it. I've always had a pet peeve about getting ahead of seasons and holidays. However I couldn't resist buying a caramel apple at the store this weekend. It's one of the few things I can't resist and though it seemed a bit early. I think it's time to do a tribute to a short, sweet summer. A number things that have made my summer brighter and happier this year. From wardrobe options, to entertainment, to special little treats. Shout out to:

Maxi skirts and lace shorts… Where have you been all my life? Now that maxi skirts are main-streamining- it they come in sizes suitable for my short stature. Oh and lace shorts. I’m certain I have never been more intimidate and excited about an article of clothing before. Turns out we’re BFF’s.

Beach books…A classic fixture in my house, whether they’ve touched sand or not. I’ve gotton really lucky this year and have yet to be disappointed. 

Pastel and fruit inspired polishes… I went nutzo last year on a polish spree and I’m stocked to get to put them to use for another year because I am a big, BIG fan of the fun shades.

Idris Elba...I can't believe I'm saying that but it's no secret I've been in love with him for years and I feel like America is finally catching on. I've been seeing him every lately and I'm not hating it.

Stevia… in a bottle…This might not seem like much but it might very well be my favorite thing on the list. I’ve been a Stevia girl for a number of years and you’d typically find the little packets buried in my purse and Lord have mercy if one busted open. Can you say lifesaver? Pairs perfectly with all my iced tea purchases.

The many, many flavors…Currently ga-ga over grilled artichokes, snacking on cherries, and munching on loaded salads. MmmMmmMmm, super-duper happy with the spread lately.

public service announcement

The older I get, the less subtle the hints and implications become. They also seem to have become more misinformed and completely out of line. The many instances where I’m viewed in a negative way, stereotyped, or whatever is being implied have got to stop. Pretty please. Just because I don’t have children DOES NOT necessarily mean any of the following:

That I’m immature.

That I don’t know what I want.

That I’m selfish.

That I’m not busy.

That I’m not tired.

That my issues are less important.

That…This…and the other.

I’m not less of anything other than child-less. Stop with the exclusions and the one ups. I can’t say what I’ll be like when it’s my turn but I will say I hope to never make others feel inferior, especially not intentionally. End rant.  

ramble session

Let’s get ready to RAMBLE. Friday was kinda insane, well all last week in general. I had a post ready for the FIVE on Friday link-up and was unable post it let alone even eat a single meal that day. I finally got a snack after a long (long, crazy long) day that finally ended at 1am after a last minute babysitting gig. I did however make $200 babysitting so all is well. At that rate, I should quit my day job! Truthfully I was disappointed I missed sharing my post so maybe I can incorporate it later on.

The weekend was exactly what I needed it to be and I’ve forgiven myself for all the projects I overlooked. Last week I started out positive and focused and while intentionally minding my own business life seemed to be instigating some reaction out of me. I was being poked, bullied and overall tested. The most disturbing part was that I thought I had made good choices and had a fresh outlook so why was my attitude check being punished? I feel the same level of refresh and determination this week so I’m not sure if it will be déjà vu or others will see I’m not broken and hopefully back off.

Saturday came quick, as they say no rest for the weary. Given my nature, I was, of course, unable to sleep in and if I’m being perfectly honest, if the first part of my day isn’t product it throws me all out of whack and I feel like I’m behind all day. We slid outta bed to go tackle as many errands possible for the crash of exhaustion.

One of my all time favorite things is breakfast, no for real. Too bad I’m married to an anti-breakfast person, but somehow I managed to work in a delicious breakfast at the Columbine Café. Hello, Salmon Benedict! I’ll insert a picture since it didn’t make it to Instagram/Facebook.

It turned out to be just an average, moderately productive, perfect day. We ran a trifecta of to-do’s and managed equal success and quality time. I guess it stands out because we we’re on the same rhythm. People assume because as couple, we’re so different therefore we’re not compatible. (It’s a bit annoying really but I don’t feel the need to be overly defensive.) Our paces and schedules are so different we tend to never have the same energy or downtime's in sync. When I want to clean, he’s ready to relax. When I want to stay home, he’s ready to leave. We make it work and it allows us to concede with each other’s needs. So obviously wanting to do the same thing, at the same time, with each other that morning was a surprise treat.

That's all I have time for...Happy Monday all. 

obladi oblada

For some reason or other I have the most difficult time writing about the "everyday". It's strange because it encompasses the majority of life. All the overlooked, under appreciated events in life: meals, interactions and errands, truly are meaningful. I enviously read others accounts of their days and interactions. I really am interested. I really am entertained. Except when I try to share those "everydays" in my on life I feel silly and boring.

All this sharing and posting would be a lot easier if I could just write about well, anything and everything. I find myself contemplating and pouring myself in to topics and find my emotionally vulnerability glaring back at me. I go out to eat at fun places, get regular mani and pedis and live my life with a fair amount of enjoyment but I might not ever be able to adjust my writing style.

I'm sure it strange thing to fuss over. But it does worry me about I have trouble with my identity in a number of ways. Other individuals have found their focus a almost exclusively write about fashion, motherhood, diy, etc... I haven't found my platform other than just me and even more specific my thoughts and my feelings. Just working on the lifelong process of self acceptance and attempting to extend my own abilities.

extreme caution

I’m married to an adrenaline junkie. That adventurous type you read about and see in movies. He really lives life. Story after story of incredible experiences and people, mostly wives, stop to look at me and beg the question “How do you do it?”

Well sometimes, even to my own surprise I can be laid-back. My immediate thoughts, we’re very independent individuals and thank goodness for a man with goals. They change from season to season but nerveless seem to get bigger and scarier. For instance, mountaineering is the current craze in our house and he’s gearing up and training for the Seven Summits. That means Denali as early as next year and after that Everest.

MmmHmm. As in Mt. As in those IMAX movies of people you are equally in awe of, still deciding they are absolutely certifiable. I’m from the Midwest and I just never knew anyone who did that kind of stuff or wanted to and now…it’s my other half.

Of course I’m nervous and we’ve had serious talks about subjects I hope never to experience, at least not in the near future. Naturally we’ve increased the life insurance. In all of this, despite itself, I’m really okay with it. I never want to stand in the way of his dreams or anyone’s for that matter. It’s not in my nature. Anyone that has the courage to pursue and achieve their heart’s desire is a hero for me.

Another point is that he’s surprisingly responsible about all of it. He reads the books endlessly. Has invested in several strenuous training courses, researched the gear, and is taking the necessary precautions and entry level steps. Yes, there are environmental factors that are out of everyone’s control which do make me uneasy but I trust him and his judgment…in this matter.

All this doesn’t mean I don’t get upset when he tells me about the books he reads and the near death and sometimes deadly tales. Otherwise I’m eerily calm about it. In a couple weeks, he sets out to do Mt. Rainer and after that, sometime in January, Cotopaxi in Ecuador all leading up to climbing the highest mountain peaks on each of the Seven Summits. It’s both exciting and nervous times for us and I hope to keep everyone up to date as the quest continues.

we can try

Charlie: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?

Bill: Are we talking about anyone specific?
       We accept the love we think we deserve.

Charlie: Can we make them know they deserve more?

Bill: We can try.

The above script is from the book/movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was fantastic, in case you’re wondering. Don’t be fooled, high school based subjects have more intensity that you sometimes give them credit for. It deals with sexual/ physical/ emotional abuse, suicide, friendship, uncertainties that plague all of our lives. But that quote just resonated because not only have I seen it in myself but along with so many others that my heart hurts for daily.

Sometimes doubt is overrun by an absolute certainty that I'm meant to have a child, a girl to be exact. I might have some boys but a girl is lurking at some point. I know this because there is no way, no freaking way; I'm not meant to enlighten her with my own experiences. Truly I'm humbled by my very own endurance. So much mundane obviousness that only comes from the life lessons of a wiser woman. Sheer defiance has brought me a long way. There’s funny stuff, embarrassing stuff, which usually is the funniest.

Buts there's also real, heartfelt life- Times that have only become accepted because they leapfrogs about and around the lighter bits. Guys were a big downfall for me. Beyond a distraction. In this way I was extremely ordinary. From what I see, there’s a fair amount of young people that haven’t experience loved and when they sense it or believe it’s attainable with that glimpse they become intoxicated. A number of times all my practicality and sensibility went out the window because I thought someone cared about me. I was sure of it. It was real and finally a part of my life. As many broken hearts will attest, we were wrong… I was wrong.

The guys weren't necessarily bad people. Maybe just immature or fickle or incapable or whatever it is boys are before they become more grounded and considerate. Either way my level head would begin to wobble and I would subject myself to bad situations, bad manners, bad feelings for the tinniest ounce of what I thought to be love. The key here is that it was subjection and well, subjection it's a choice or at least is was for me. Probably in some ways it still is, that innate desire to belong and yearning for acceptance…and affection.

I feel a very strong purpose for what I've been through and what I can/should share with others. There's some reason my life had this very specific journey. There's also a reason my memory is crystal clear and those emotions are so easy accessed. Despite any feelings of regret or tenderness about the past I really do look forward to being a part of making sure people, one day maybe even my people, know their worth and just how much they are loved...the real kind. 

FIVE On Friday

---

Can I just say how nervous I am to “link” up? I’ve been seeing all these Five on Friday post and thought it’d be a good/safe way for me to inch out of my comfort zone. What I loved about the idea is even though I wasn’t posting along it got me thinking about FIVE fun, exciting, appreciated etc… things in my own life. Then today when I got going it was really hard to narrow them down to only FIVE. So I figured anything, anxious or not, that makes me feel so blessed and happy in my own life can’t possibly be bad, right?


(one)

Pixi by petra’s flawless beauty stick. I have an embarrassing amount of make-up, partly due to a Sephora addiction and the other being my mother-in-law worked for Chanel for many years so I have oodles and oodles of goodies. Either way I’m always on the hunt for new stuff to try. Well this stuff is sensational! I carry it in my bag and use it daily. I have Lupus, so sometimes the dreaded butterfly rash creeps up and this stuff is light and clean enough to apply midday and has a flawless finish without fail.

(two)

Being the trend junkie that I am, I was curious about the galaxy trend. I was a little skeptical until I found the perfect introductory piece at Forever 21. Seriously, the softest.material.ever. and the more I wear it, the more I love it.

(three)

Homeland. People had been recommending this show to us for awhile and I already knew it would be something we’d enjoy. Between the cast and the accolades it was decided we’d check it out sometime. Because we don’t have TV, we only watch a limited amount of programs, so here we are almost 3 years later but we are completely hook…and completely confused. I love are commentary after the show arguing who’s good and who’s bad.

(four)

My baby niece started kindergarten this week and let’s all collectively think “How and when did this happen?” . It seems so sudden but it’s hard to be said when she’s so ready to grow up and excited to learn.

(five)

This quote. Whatever misgivings people might have about social media there are still positive things occurring. I ran across this quote someone posted and it moved me. Nail+Head=Me. It’s so good to be encouraged and/or convicted and just all around redirected by something that originally seems inconsequential. Blessed by this mid-week shakeup.

First World Problems

- I mailed back the disc of Homeland too soon and now we missed an episode.

- I just noticed the jean jacket I recently purchased, and have worn multiple times, has a major stitching flaw.

- I changed my mind on the design of the iPad case I wanted but now I can’t find the receipt.

- Our FREE grill isn’t working.

- The gas card I was gifted isn’t for stations locally.

These are jokingly referred to as First World Problems. The joke is that they’re not real problems are they? It would be like comparing an actual disease to a case of the hiccups. So when I feel a sting of pity of a bit overwhelmed I suddenly remember: I am privileged, extremely so.  And as much as I might roll my eyes or think “crap” and “dang it” these problems only reflect good things… I have money. I have clothes. I have food. I have people that care about me. Plain and simple.

all grown up

I feel like busting out in Jenna Marbles’ “I Hate Being a Grown-Up”. If you have no idea what I’m talking about it’s a YouTube thing. Truthfully, I enjoy being a grown up and I can’t say I miss being a kid because I don’t know If I ever was one. Seriously, my mom says the same thing about me. The point is that I have all these grown up moments that are comical at best but very much frustrating. I’m sure we all can relate.

There’s a lot of “I forgot to sprout my quinoa” “I forgot to bring my coupons” “I forgot the laundry in the washer”. I guess it’s more a memory loss thing, cause there’s a lot of forgetting. And well, I might actually forget the laundry on purpose… because I loathe it.

This morning I opened the fridge and it was dark. Which is a weird moment when something that has always been a certain way, one day isn't. I was confused longer than I should have. Insert chain of thought:

It’s still cold so it’s not totally broken, right? Hmm. Oh, wait…it’s the light bulb. (Duh!) Well, crap because I don’t know where the light bul-thingy is located. (Chanting) Please be the light bulb, please be the light bulb. (Success.) I have found the light bulb. (Pause for moment of pride.) Now where does one buy a refrigerator light bulb? Is it special? Will I need to go to Lowe’s? Uh, I hate those kinds of stores. Why? Why me? I hope this isn't expensive. Oh wait, I have a great idea!

Ignore the additional texts because out of context I seem really needy. And yes he does call me Freddy as in Freddy Kruger. All in all I think I did enough grown-up duties and worrying for the day.

red light. green light.

Remember that game? Man, we grew up with some good games... Granted, some were a bit brutal and alienating but I mostly remember the fun and having an endurance level I could only wish to still have these days.
The game was simple: green meant GO and red meant STOP. You wait excitedly for your commands ready to bolt forward and gain ground on your opponents all while managing enough control to stop a second's notice. Even with such a basic concept you could still be "tricked" and mess up. Either by being caught in the moment and not hearing the next instruction assuming you know already knew and moving or not moving at the right time. 

Life. My life tends to be a bit extreme. Almost unbalanced and as soon as I find my pace I refuse to slow down. I hit that “I’ve-found-my-rhythm-and-I'm-gaining-so-much-ground” and fear of not finding that comfortable stride again or even the desire to achieve a pace keeps me moving until hurt myself. 

In these moments I chide and remind myself almost mechanically.

stop bingeing
more planning

stop worrying
more trusting

stop waiting
more living

All the shifts from fast to slow make me feel almost motion sick. Though I might spend the rest of my life just being me by thinking to far ahead or completely stagnate turning in circles, there’s always that little voice that says: 

que sera sera

I have no idea how to address updates or where to put them. So here ye, hear ye, let the recap begin,

- Still no soda. Even when out to eat and was able to abstained. I think my biggest challenge was grocery shopping because I would almost always treated myself with a 20oz Cherry Coke. Sadly I’ve yet to lose any weight from my sacrifice but that wasn’t the reason behind it. Oh well.

- Sunday morning I woke up with the most agonizing abdominal pain. It was scary. It started suddenly at 5am and not from any obvious reasons I can think of. I was freaking out and decided if another symptom occurred or the pain progressed I’d be heading to the hospital. Luckily, it subsided by 7am and I was alright the rest of the day.

-Work has been almost unbearable. We have dealt with all manner of inappropriate behavior from adults that we are trying to help. The moral? Be respectful people. Despite your physical, emotional or financial frustrations do try and maintain your composure and treat people with some human decency.

- I’m getting better at managing…well everything. For some one that has always been so “on top of things” it was a struggle to accept the state of my life. Things are more in the form of percentages verses done or not done. I can’t handle those absolutes presently so instead of my house not being clean, in reality it’s about 40% clean. Allowing myself for some credit and a little less failure. Hey, it works for me.

- I’m trying to catch on to an August challenge…I’ve been a silent participant so far but I think I’ll dedicate a post a week to my endeavor. Certainly nothing stellar but I’ve been wanting a challenge for myself.

true engineering

Two unlikely events meshed together to unleash a truth. It started with a patient and followed with a kind word from a friend to yield an eye-opening assurance. My foundation is being repaired so that it’ll allow for more to come and maybe even other directions in my future.

A patient was talking about the current highway revamp that happens to run along my route from home to work. He’s been working on it for months and it will continue for several more months. I didn’t bother burdening him with the reasons I’ve been annoyed by the project. I did however decide to be polite and talk about other matters in the highway expansion. I knew that they’re adding a lane but I had no idea why they needed to destroy miles of perfectly good road leading up to the addition. It just seemed like an extra cost and headache for everyone. He explained that it was necessary. The foundation needed to be phased into the new stretch of road so that people could transport smoothly and the integrity of the new and the old pavement could withstand the changes. They also had plans to build a bridge up ahead and these measures were imperative so that the structure would hold without collapse.

The next day a friend commented that this season of my life it beautiful to watch. Though stretching and hurting, I was being reshaped. When I was young there was a boy about the same age as me and I heard his mom talking about how he was in pain every night and she had to medicate him regularly. Turns out the cause was growing pains. I thought it was incredibly odd because I’d never felt anything like it. Later on in life I’d realize some people don’t experience them and I had been one of them…until now.

Mine isn’t a physical impairment but it has been uncomfortable. I truly believe that the base of who I am is being uprooted and preparing me for more. More of what, I’m not sure. Probably good, maybe some bad. I’m not sure if it’s being remodeled to carry heavier loads or to change my course. Possibly both. However I do know it’s being done with love and my best interest in mind. Sometimes a diagnosis is all you need to feel better about what’s happening inside.