ac·count·a·bil·i·ty

I have no idea how I suddenly become the busiest, most scatterbrained, overwhelmed person this week. No husband, no boss, no problems, right? Wrong. Where’s my bon-bons and daytime tv? If everything could just tend to itself for a day or two I’d be a very happy girl.

I should also note that I had a blog typed up yesterday but a pug (who shall remain nameless) managed to delete it and type the number 3 several times. That was upsetting but I’m sure it wasn’t intentional so we’re moved past the incident. Frankly it wasn’t anything special but I haven’t got the time or patience to re-type such a mediocre post.

I do however wanna touch on the topic of accountability. I marveled in my last Five on Friday post how it’s here, and abundant and a safety net I’m beginning to rely on. You might recall an early post of mine actually feared it and the vulnerability it requires but I actually might be loving it. A friend of me I'm actually told me that I was slacking on my blogging about a bit ago. And she was totally right and I knew it but it was meant as like a friendly jab but all joking aside, I think I needed to hear it. 

I had been thinking in my head I hope no one notices. But then I had that afterthought of well maybe if people DO notice it means that they're still involved. This is both a scary and moving concept at the same time.
Having people that you're accountable to can be a little bit of uncomfortable especially for me. I know no surprise or news flash there. But that uncomfortable it shifting and not that uncomfortable “these jeans are too tight” “I can't wait to take these heels off” but more like an uncomfortable “on my gosh people are really learning about me” and they're actually involved that's what's going on whether there and my physically in day to day life or not. I feel anxious just thinking about it.

I’m still constantly trying to convince myself that this is just some sort of private journal and every now and then someone jumps in with a bit of encouragement or support and I still have a freak out I don't know if I ever out grow it. It just reminds me that I'm trying to live life out in the open no more secrets to myself or to other people. Talking about the things like depression or even little things like caffeine addiction. It's all there and it's a lot of exposure for me whether people realize it or not.

I realize that blogging isn't for everyone and it’s now guarantee I’ll stick with it long term but given my geographical location and my behavioral distance mechanisms I really have to keep this going for now and be true to myself. Just coming to terms of the fact that people really do want to be involved and figuring out how to let them.