merry and bright

I've been working very hard to make up for the fact that I've not been working. For the record, I'm the only one that's been putting this kind of pressure on myself. I've practically been trying to make up for years of non stop working by tackling everything. The "from scratch" quota has risen, the "one day" projects have been given life and all of it hasn't happened without sacrifice. As I contemplated my evening I'd realized I lost something, something BIG...my Christmas spirit.

It's true. It can happen. It burst in early this year. Almost a month ago I'd organized my holiday music and loaded it in the car. I drug out all the essential decorations and purchased ingredients for out favorite seasonal cookies. Then I puttered out. I didn't turn negative or intentionally fall short. I just neglected it.

Not working had kept me at home away from the regular reminders. I wasn't really driving anyway, certainly not regularly, so my Christmas music wasted away in the car. Long talks and late nights overtook time with favorite holiday films. Sickness and healthier options warded off cookie cravings. I looked around and I could see Christmas but I couldn't feel it. I was failing.

(Be prepared for cliches...)
What am doing! Christmas only comes once a year. A magical time that really is the the most wonderful time of the year. Seriously though, these are sayings for a reason. And I was missing it. Despite everything, I'm not going to get to have the 2013 Christmas season ever again and I need to fight for it.

First order of business I made cookies. Admittedly they were the no bake, edible raw cookie dough cookies. You know the egg free kind. Hey it was a start and it got me mixing and nibbling and merry-ing. We put in White Christmas and I smiled and cried through most of it...like aways.

It's back and maybe it's a little more high maintenance and than years before but at least I won't regret letting it pass me by. Skimping on traditions and not celebrating things that out to be celebrated is not something I want to be my memory of this year. Today got creative and rocked gift shopping. On to wrapping, warm drinks and more Christmas.