mission discovery

Do you ever feel like you keep relearning the same lessons in life? If so, does that mean you ever really learned it...? or maybe it's honest forgetfulness...? or denial? Now that I'm actually thinking while I'm doing and having a moment to process things I'm really learning about myself. Lots of silly stuff but there's also some serious stuff in there to.

Today I had a candy attack. In case you didn't know I'm the candy queen. It is my weakness and I privy to all the lesser known good stuff. Today I needed chewy and of course there wasn't anything remotely close to that in the house, so I went to the store. Luckily we actually needed real grocery items so it was kind of a win-win. A lesson I repeatedly ignore and always pay the consequence is never, ever, ever, under any circumstance go to the grocery store hungry. I can't even tell you how much junk I bought- it's far too embarrassing. Besides it was all a blur so the details escape me.

Another lesson refresher...Turns out I'm a social person. I think sometimes I just joke around about not being because I'm so selective and just like who I like. I also confuse it with the fact that I am a homebody. Before of course I preferred to stay home at night and relax because I've been working all day however I overlook the hours of human communication and contact that I (as much as I sometimes complained about) miss... in a small way. 

Fast forwarding over the other surfaced stuff I'm re-realizing how sensitive I am. I mean it's inescapable but I'm being more cautious about triggers. All this time with limited interruptions I get so caught up in my thoughts and feelings. Thinking about memories, almost, decisions, uncertainties etc... Movies, books, music, any number of the things can take me down that rabbit hole so I'm moderating myself because before I know it my mood as been decided. I'm prone to a melancholy personality so I certainly don't need help there. Figuring it at a moment at a time I guess.

"This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your "
 -Theodore Roethke