There have been numerous situations personal and professional in which I've overestimated myself as well as my presence. Overly confident, I believed that a requirement of success was that I was a part of it. Relationships would break down without my insight and mediation. Business would falter without my dedication and capabilities. I sound severily obnoxious right now. Totally obnoxious.
If you're still reading and don't want to kill me yet please understand there was some goodness in all of it. I love to be a part of things. Who doesn't? People want to be wanted. Feeling important, necessary was/is a source of satisfaction. I've convinced myself not to make sudden changes, or any for that matter, to maintain a sense loyalty. Loyalty to things I truly feel passionately about.
But it's not, nor was, true loyalty but really part of my control freak ways. I have an insatiable need, not want, to have involvement because it's an opportunity to be in control. I'm naturally bossy, a bit of a know-it-all...the truth hurts. All this honesty or revelation comes from me throwing myself into an extreme period of uncertainty.
I can make great decisions and work hard but controlling every aspect of life just isn't possible. For being such a smarty pants I don't know the current answers. My problems are very real, that's evident. I'm working on accepting that my taking a risk isn't exactly reckless. The fact that my approach is somewhat out of character doesn't mean it's wrong. Just because these changes don't benefit everyone doesn't make me a bad person. Finally being aware of all of this and decerning what is what is going to help me during next phase.
No comments:
Post a Comment