the passenger seat

I’m in the grip of an inner conflict. I’m ready to accept movement and change but I’m also thinking it might be best to keep things status quo for a bit. I’m sure it’s mostly rationality but maybe some doubt is working its way in as well. The weird thing is I forget what direction I want to go with it.  I lay down guidelines and time frames only to catch myself overlooking the fact that maybe it’s not the best.

Be still. Be quiet. Be patient.

It’s all active and passive.

That’s the conflict.

I’m meant to be doing but I am still waiting for the instructionS.

I’ve been in healthcare for some time now and have learned there’s something called passive movement. In laymen’s terms, it means the movement is occurring from an outside source. Get where I’m going with this? I’m in state of continuous passive motion. Things are moving but not through my own control.

It’s like experiencing motion after movement has stopped. Ever got off a boat and still felt shaky? Road in a car too long and your legs take time to adjust? It’s similar and yes it’s it physically apparent. At least to me.  Other than any uneasiness to steady myself it’s turning out to be a great experience, especially now that I’m working out what’s happening.

Though it’s far from humble I am proud of myself. Because with each movement I feel ready. I am accepting guidance and being prepared at a moment’s notice and not needing explanation and not needing too many details I’m eager. I’m listening. I’m willing. I’m ready.