the cleanse

I’m back from my mini-trip and it feels good to come home to structure and a familiar pace. I took a “break” from the blogging world to really allow myself time off from routine and oddly enough I missed it. Surprise, surprise. Technically based on my “schedule” I only missed two days and well I missed “sharing”. I know right? Who am I?

I’m sure I’ve said this before but those trips home take it out of me. Physically and emotionally. All the eating, not sleeping, go-go-go is invigorating but all the goodbyes, quick meet-ups and missed faces and bittersweet moments are hard to control when your meant to enjoy every precious second. I feel like it was a success overall. A magical balance of everything I wanted/needed without overextending myself...too much. I made it to some of my favorite places and managed to see a handful of wonderful people that make the hustle and bustle absolutely worthwhile.

I could however do without the 14hour drive. I must be getting old because I’ve done it countless times but it suddenly feels longer and more arduous. It may have had something to do with driving in the July heat which our trips rarely seem to occur. This time our audio book was an epic fail and had me dozing off in disc one, many miles from Kansas. Next time I’ll need to start that research and prep more that 24hrs out. 

Something about that long drive and a sleeping co-pilot gets my mind to wandering...Every time I return with heightened senses and determination only hours of internal reflection can produce. I always give up meat. Too many farmlands filled with animals and their young...and road kill. Yuck, sorry. But I feel guilty and loose desire to eat meat. It’s okay; I was a vegetarian for a LONG time so I still have options. I vow no more junk food. Ever. After all the greasy food from the trip and sugar overload to stay alert, I’m desperate for a cleanse and a teeth cleaning. (That was actually one of my first calls when I got back. I have an appointment on Monday. HAHA)

The other portion of that cleanse is more metaphorical. Granted, I don’t some from an underdeveloped country but it’s hard to go home and see some many people struggling. I’m so sensitive to it, I’ve always been. It’s just apparent how different it is from where I live now. It hurts my heart. It’s a physical, asphyxiating pain. I feel very detached, materialistic... Just a lot of those types of emotions based on guilt and helplessness. The plan is to appreciate more, exercise responsibility and stay grounded because the world is a tough, unpredictable place. Time to drop some unnecessary weight along with some unnecessary spending.