Some basics that you need to understand. My husband loves
Transformers. Sure he likes other films, nature, documentary, he even watches
my foreign ones but this series is definitely more his style. There’s enough action and
humor to keep him thoroughly entertained. It’s one of the few exceptions he’ll trek to
the movie theater to see. Also note he’s had so many head injuries, including
brain hemorrhaging, that he has bouts of vertigo. It sucks but he’s lucky that’s
his only ailment. And a general reminder, men are the biggest wimps when it
comes to being ill.
When the last installment of Transformers came out he was
itching to see it but I wasn't in the mood and apparently he wasn't willing to
wait for me to be in the mood. He decided to hit up the 10:30pm show. (Yeah
right, there was no way I was interested in staying up and out that late that
night.) He left and of course I went to bed.
Hours later in a half-dreaming-half-awake state I hear him
get home. I’m not sure what happened or how much time had passed but I am
alerted by the dogs barking like crazy so I start yelling when I hear something
yelling back at me. It’s like midnight and the door is wide open and I’m
hearing some strange, unsettling noises. I’m standing on the front threshold too
scared to investigate and trying to wake up as quickly as I can to understand
what’s happening. It was weird because the dogs were worked up but wouldn't go
outside to investigate it either. I’m sure this happens faster than it sounds
but I then realize my husband is nowhere in sight. I hear him but can’t see him
and then I realize he’s being attacked by an animal!
We live in the mountains so nighttime is completely dark,
there are no streetlights. Also living in the mountains we've had all manner of
beast in our front yard from bears to moose. I finally get the nerve to walk
out, I hear him in agony and I can’t make out what he’s saying. I finally make
it around the cars sure I’ll see a massacre when I spot him in the grass on
his hands and knees…vomiting profusely. I’m equally relieved and confused. What
are you doing? Are you ok? What happened?
I thought you were being attacked? Why aren't you in the bathroom? How
was the movie?
Once I finally got him back in the house, it turns out
seeing the film in 3D was not a good idea because it triggered his vertigo and
he sat there enduring the dizziness… as a matter of pride I suppose. Providentially
there was an error so the film shut down before the entire showing so he got to
leave and was issued a refund. He claims he got home then got sick so he ran
back outside. Why this was the best option I don’t know. Personally I think he
knew if he got sick outside he wouldn't have to clean up after himself.
I don’t know why but this story cracks me up every time I
think about or tell it. I know it makes me a bad person. It’s funny because he
was so dramatic about the whole thing. But what’s really funny is how quickly
my imagination assumed the most extreme scenario and being stuck in my head
that 10-12 minutes and thinking enough random, concerned thoughts that could
fill several hours. For the record he isn't amused this story but one day I’m
sure he’ll appreciate it.
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