oh me, oh my

You know what I left out the other day? The step that involves me driving to Denver to make multiple returns. I always manage to overcompensate and in a panic I make numerous unnecessary purchases. In part, because I live hours away from the nearest mall. In part, because I like options. In part, because I love to shop. This means I need to organize a game plan: Make sure I’ve organized the receipts and write down all the stops or risk backtracking and putzing around for no reason.

I agonize over this too. Honestly I don’t want to actually return anything but it doesn’t make sense keeping it. Also, I have to manage entering these places without making any additional purchases and come up with some lame excuse for making a return. Note: I’ve never really been interrogated about a return, probably because I have the receipt in hand, tags are still attached and nothing's been worn, but I stress out regardless. These stores are on to me to, they always ask me if I’d like to look around before I return the item…Well of course I do! But I can’t. It’s like when I get an apple pie from McDonald’s, without fail they offer the 2 for a $1 deal. How can I say no to that?

To successfully tackle the job, aside from creating the itinerary, it requires nourishment. A sure sign of a woman on a mission is iced-coffee in hand. Check. (That was probably my first mistake.) If I’m going to drive an hour or two out of my way you better believe I’m gonna eat somewhere good. I’m a foodie at heart. I’d decided to eat at this Brazilian restaurant by the mall. (I think since the waxing surprise I’d been thinking a lot about their culture.) Personally, I love all ethnic food and almost prefer it. Since Bridesmaids, Brazilian food has gotten a bad rap and it’s unfair. I’ve never before had an incident so I encourage you to check it out if you’ve never tried it. But as fate would have it, I did get sick and in a fitting room scenario no less. Busted. Yes I was in the dressing room because YES I gave into temptations and started shopping.

Backup. It wasn’t the food’s fault. I take this unassuming little prescription pill that is pure evil and ruining my life. Metformin. Typically I’ll avoid taking it knowing I’ll be consuming certain foods. However I hadn’t taken it for a few days since I was on vacation. Just so you know it’s not like vitamins where you can skip here and there but apparently I don’t learn lessons like the rest of humanity. I took it and no doubt paid the price. I imagine the creamy, sugary coffee triggered it. 

No more details beyond that but I am thankful for a sense of humor. Returns made and money back in my account. Check. Never able to return to Kohl’s in Lakewood, CO. Check.