normal is terribly overrated

It's the beginning a new week, a new day and new attitude and because of that I declare new rules. Most of my posts tend to be on the melodramatic side and that's because I am melodramatic, but not a drama queen in that I like to cause conflict. The mere thought of something sentimental moves me to tears. Like on a dime. I'm angry. I'm over-the-top so sometimes it's hard to curb all of that because others are more laid back. Not to say I want to live life as a sedated version of myself…Didn’t I mention I’m Type A? All of this DNA inside me wants a balance, a normalcy, a success… in everything. Is that even attainable? 

Here’s an attempt to bend those rules to make it through another day and feel like I'm flying high on accomplishments, as twisted as they may be. The fun thing about being the boss is making new rules and changing them as needed.

· Anything eaten before 9:30am is considered breakfast. It’s not the what, it’s the when. In that case, peanut M&M’s count. Good job, I managed to eat breakfast today.

 · Hair that looks styled no matter the lack of effort is acceptable. In that case, waking up, shaking your hair and spraying it with dry shampoo counts as beachy waves. Good job, you look like you tried today.

 · Movements that cause you to sweat or lose your breath are considered exercise. In that case, car-dancing on the way to work counts. Good job, I managed to work out today.


It's still pretty early so there's still a lot of time to make adjustments as needed. Looking forward to striding through this day with an altered, albeit amusing, perspective.Well let’s hope this positivity is habit forming.

Signs your husband is away…

Generally the overall state of things including but not limited to:


The mess…

Ok so this is bad...Almost too embarrassing to share. Just almost. But let me tell you it has made my morning so much easier. Sigh. Can't get use to this because there's no way it'll become a thing.

 

Shhhh...Don't tell. This is a big no-no in our house. I can't be entirely to blame because the weather has been so chaotic I've worn everything from boots, sandals, flats and wellies in a matter of days.

 

The entertainment…

This. This is the stuff that makes me happy. Old School Classics. Musicals. Personal Favorites. MmmHmm, got myself  covered. Ready to sink in and overindulge in a movie extravaganza and the memories that come with it.   

 

The food…

 

 

There was a time not too long ago when time alone meant cereal for every meal. It's not that I don't like cooking, I just like cereal THAT much. Even though this stuff is more processed than I'd care for it's some of my favorites and typically my lunch options however it seemed a far cry better that Capn' Crunch.

 

Ah-Ha...Just so you didn't think I was being too saintly I admit I snagged some sweet treats and I was really naughty and got the expensive stuff!

 

The personal appearance…

Big hair and sweat pants. I haven't been giving my hair the proper attention and thank goodness for ponytails and braids. Some people's hair gets greasy when unkempt, nope, note me. Mine gets big, like beauty pageant BIG.

 

downhill from here

As of tomorrow he will have been away for two weeks. Its times like these I’m actually thankful for a stressful job because it keeps me busy. Not sure if things are really as hectic as they seem or it’s just situational. We've had multiple snow storms here and bounce from spectacle weather to borderline blizzards. One of our dogs had to be hospitalized a couple days ago, it broke my heart and it broke the bank. All joking aside the incident brought on a multitude of emotions.

First and foremost it reminded me I’m missing something….Sure I’m capable on my own but that’s not how it’s meant to be. I have a teammate to help me and interact with; I don’t want to make tough decisions alone. We have a good ying and yang and without that other side to balance me out I was yang-ing all over the place.  

Secondly, my motherly instinct went into maximum overdrive. I knew something was wrong immediately and my world stopped... Everything was suspended until I could find a way to make him better. He couldn't eat, neither could I. He couldn't sleep, neither could I. We had a tough couple days and the next few weeks are still unknown. It reminded me. It reminded me I’m built for so much more. I need to care for something and not just my canine, fur babies. 

For some reason or other, I think the second half of the time will be harder. At some point I’m bound to run out of distractions and the time will take its toll. Certain questions will remain unanswered and desired plans must remain on hold. Thanks for all the kind words, concern and prayers.

heightened senses

I can hardly believe it's real snow
Falling more like ash...
Floating.
Cold enough to happen yet not enough to chill.
The wind only evident by sound.
My footsteps seem louder they've ever been.
Like a movie with edited sound to manipulate emotion...
Producing dexterity and rawness.
Surreal.
I can only hope that in a matter of time everything becomes purposeful...
The feelings.
The intensity.
It might be time.
It might be an exaggeration.
I hope it's real...
Because this feeling of possibility is cleansing.

Do yourself a favor...

Psst... Hey it's me, your rational mind trying to get your ailing body's attention. I know your trying to be carefree, a bit rebellious, and quite frankly lazy but it's time to be serious. It's time to come to terms with the fact you can't have gluten any more. You're not being high maintenance or whatever it is you're worried about.

I know, I know. There's so much you're not suppose to eat these days. Now those changes are important too but this is vital.

It's not option, you have an allergy, which means when you consume it you have an allergic reaction. Willingly exposing yourself to an allergy is harmful, it's painful and exhausting and absolutely not worth it. Your straining you body and for what? Get it together! I mean it.

Trust me, it's all for the best.

Welcome to Miami

My brother and sister- in-law live just outside of Miami, which is pretty cool and we don’t take advantage of it as often as we should. We made arrangements to stay with them before and after our trip to the Bahamas. We always have a great time and leave heavyhearted and wondering why we don’t visit more often. They made it an incredible experience and I’m still not sure why but it was very centered around me.

What you need to know about me is that I don’t like a lot of attention. It makes me uncomforable just thinking about it. Blogging is about the most self-indulgent thing I do. I’d much prefer to attend to other people, it’s just my way. When others are involved I’m a pretty laidback, I-don’t-care-whatever kind of girl. Now if it’s just me and my husband that’s an entirely different kind of story…

I remember a week or so before we had them on the phone and I mentioned that I’d love some plantains while there. Well that small request was met and then some. Once we were off the plane we were whisked away to some awesome Cuban food. The Latin in me loves anything accompanied by rice and beans.

Cuban- style strip steak with plantains and Chimichurri sauce. I would love to be eating this now!

While at the restaurant I noticed the special was paella, which I also love but never get to have because you can only make it for a small village of people. Immediately they said I shouldn’t order it. I wondered if it was bad or someone they knew had gotten sick from it. I obeyed. Turned out it was for good reason. They had planned a party for us. Not just any party, a paella party! They’d hired a chef whose specialty is paella to come over and make it for us because they heard how much I liked the dish. It was fun to watch him work too. He spent hours on the patio perfecting it. I don’t want to think about how much they spent but it was fantastic. Without a doubt, the best I’ve ever had.

oh me, oh my

You know what I left out the other day? The step that involves me driving to Denver to make multiple returns. I always manage to overcompensate and in a panic I make numerous unnecessary purchases. In part, because I live hours away from the nearest mall. In part, because I like options. In part, because I love to shop. This means I need to organize a game plan: Make sure I’ve organized the receipts and write down all the stops or risk backtracking and putzing around for no reason.

I agonize over this too. Honestly I don’t want to actually return anything but it doesn’t make sense keeping it. Also, I have to manage entering these places without making any additional purchases and come up with some lame excuse for making a return. Note: I’ve never really been interrogated about a return, probably because I have the receipt in hand, tags are still attached and nothing's been worn, but I stress out regardless. These stores are on to me to, they always ask me if I’d like to look around before I return the item…Well of course I do! But I can’t. It’s like when I get an apple pie from McDonald’s, without fail they offer the 2 for a $1 deal. How can I say no to that?

To successfully tackle the job, aside from creating the itinerary, it requires nourishment. A sure sign of a woman on a mission is iced-coffee in hand. Check. (That was probably my first mistake.) If I’m going to drive an hour or two out of my way you better believe I’m gonna eat somewhere good. I’m a foodie at heart. I’d decided to eat at this Brazilian restaurant by the mall. (I think since the waxing surprise I’d been thinking a lot about their culture.) Personally, I love all ethnic food and almost prefer it. Since Bridesmaids, Brazilian food has gotten a bad rap and it’s unfair. I’ve never before had an incident so I encourage you to check it out if you’ve never tried it. But as fate would have it, I did get sick and in a fitting room scenario no less. Busted. Yes I was in the dressing room because YES I gave into temptations and started shopping.

Backup. It wasn’t the food’s fault. I take this unassuming little prescription pill that is pure evil and ruining my life. Metformin. Typically I’ll avoid taking it knowing I’ll be consuming certain foods. However I hadn’t taken it for a few days since I was on vacation. Just so you know it’s not like vitamins where you can skip here and there but apparently I don’t learn lessons like the rest of humanity. I took it and no doubt paid the price. I imagine the creamy, sugary coffee triggered it. 

No more details beyond that but I am thankful for a sense of humor. Returns made and money back in my account. Check. Never able to return to Kohl’s in Lakewood, CO. Check.

my heart is certain

…These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way
These are my confessions
Man I'm thrown and I don’t know what to do
I guess I gotta give part 2 of my confessions…

In case you aren’t aware that’s the intro to an Usher song. When I sat down to write I was opening with a confession and just like that I started serenading myself and figured I’d share. I’ve waited to bring it up because I’m still processing it and wanted to see how I feel before I invited everyone into my business. Last Thursday I dropped my guy off at the airport because he’s doing wilderness training in Alaska until May 22nd. Quick math, yeah, it’s almost a month. Uh huh, I know it’s a long time. 

I married and adventurous person and an opportunity came up for him to fulfill a dream and I support it. My brain, budget and sensibility are somewhat skeptical but my heart is certain. Though I have absolutely no desire to camp on a glacier and live off the land I am utterly excited for him and this experience. 

So many people have asked how I feel about it. I love that by the way. I’m so fortunate to be surrounded by people that generally care about me and it’s awesome. Right now I feel fine. I’m an independent, capable person so I know I’ll be okay but that’s not to say it won’t be hard.

He’s in the wild with a 60lb pack and pulling 60lb sled and incommunicado for 20-some-odd days. Please pray for his safety, there’s extreme elements present and it’s a strenuous trek. Also prayers for me that when days seem hard or uncertainty clouds my peace I get the reassurance I need.

everything in between

The amount of planning required for a getaway is borderline obscene. At least for me. The planning start weeks, even months prior and it’s down to the most minuscule detail. I can’t relax until I’m literally on the plane in the car, depending on mode of travel.

Me:

-Picking the destination and probably my favorite bit. I spend so much time researching and reviewing; I swear I was a travel agent in another life.

-Book it along with flights and seat assignments. Don’t forget the travel insurance!

-Find someone to dog sit or give in and sign them up for a kennel. They’ll need to be packed up as well.

-Somewhere about this time it’s the shakeup and goal setting for looking good. This step will inevitably fail and be readjusted and forgotten overlooked multiple times prior to the trip and I’ll  hate myself later for it.

- Soon enough the shopping will commence, you might recall the swimsuit shopping incident of 2013. Of course it wasn’t budgeted in the vacation itself…though it really should be.

- Get a tan. I don’t care if I’m going to Antarctica, I will get my glow on! The last few years I’ve made the healthy decision to stop fake baking (even though I secretly love it) so I’m left with self tanners that are oh so tricky and if not delicately executed can be disastrous. This means I start a slow base over several days. It’s very scientific…

- Set aside ALL potential clothing options. Manage to narrow the original 20 to 10 outfits. This fete requires precision and decisiveness. Just for reference I’m only gone like 5 days. Then set aside.

-Two days prior I have my wax appointment. Yes it was just a brutal ever that's why it's so funny when you see on TV and movies because it is ridiculously painful and I can't imagine doing that on a regular basis but it's over and I survived it. Note: If you go to a Brazilian for a bikini wax you will leave with a Brazilian wax. #truestory #ithappenedtome.  

-Right after that I have to get my nails done. Too soon and the nails will chip. Also taking into account I wouldn’t subject those poor women to my hairy legs pre-wax.

-Remember that pile of vacation clothes. Try everything on. You’d be surprised things don’t look the way you imagined or what fit last week doesn’t right now. This will eliminate the items that stay in your suitcases untouched, unworn getting unnecessary wrinkled.

-The last step may or may not involve a breakdown along with an argument because your husband fails to comprehend why you need 10 pairs of shoes. We did eventually compromise and I only took 8…It was risky but it all worked out.

-Measure and weigh the suitcases and don’t forget to do your online check in.

-Before, after and in between I work a full time job and had extended hours to complete as much as possible, also an attempt to log extra hours.

Him:

-Informed we’re taking a trip.

-Night before he asks how many days we’re gone. I then watch as he grabs 5 t-shirts, swim trunks, underwear, pair of jeans, flip flops and tosses them in a suitcase, declares done and hops in bed…Apparently I am responsible for his toiletries too.

This is a condensed version but you get the idea and see the obvious imbalance. I’m happy to say it was worth it all and hope to get some post/pictures in of the trip. It was much needed and in confidence I’m already planning the next one in my head.  

...on my way...

sovereignty

I've got quite a bit to say but it all seems kind of frivolous at the moment. I'm getting ready to leave on vacation and decided I won't be blogging again until I'm back. I'll leave you with an excerpt of my devotional today. I remember reading it last April 16th but I don't remember it having the impact it had today.

I AM CALLING YOU to live a life of thankfulness. I want all of your moments to be punctuated with thanksgiving. The basis for your gratitude is My sovereignty. I am the Creator and the Controller of the universe. Heaven and earth are filled with My Glorious Presence.

When you criticize or complain, you are acting as if you think you could run the world better than I do. From your limited human perspective, it may look like I am mismanaging things. But you don’t know what I know or see what I see. If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand much more. However, I have designed you to live by faith and not by sight. I lovingly shield you from knowing the future or seeing into the spirit world. Acknowledge My sovereignty by giving thanks in all circumstances.

Isaiah 6:3     2 Corinthians 5:7     1 Thessalonians 5

shine bright like a diamond

Some people just shine; I’m talking mesmerizing-ly, blinding, Edward sparkling in the sunlight type of shine. Watching people in their element and showcasing their ability is one of my favorite pastimes. I feel like a talent scout at times because I’m pretty good at noticing others natural dazzle.

The only problem with this appreciation is that I tend to compare... and based on comparison I start to limit my own abilities. I feel myself recoil. I consciously begin to hold back because of my own feelings of inferiority. No bully broke my spirit it was self enforced. 

I want to appreciate a luminous quality in someone else without acknowledging my own short comings. As any good parent, friend, spouse will remind you “we’re all good after different things”, uh huh I agree and I’m not discounting them but when desire results negating myself it’s worrisome.

Honestly if you look for those bad habits they're easy to spot. I see it a lot where I work. Somewhere along the line people were either told or of their own accord decided that their smile wasn't great. They cover it with their hands, adjust the way they speak to keep their smile hidden... It becomes second nature and even after restoration they are still using the same tactics. It's actually really sad to witness.

Be careful how you are talking to yourself

because you are listening. -Lisa M. Hayes

I saw this quote the other day and it clicked. It made me feel happy because obviously people relate but a little sad knowing that I'm very guilty of putting myself down. I need to keep this in mind because the things I say about myself or think or feel aren't right and more importantly they aren't true.